Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “My children love me, but when it comes to my future care, I know they will probably each look at things very differently. Fighting about it, will split our family” You’re not alone. As a San Diego County will and trust lawyer, I’ve seen countless parents grapple with these sort of differences. It’s the elephant in the room that many of us dread addressing: what happens when our adult children can’t see eye to eye on our care decisions?
Picture this: You’re in the hospital, unable to communicate your wishes. Suddenly, your hospital room becomes a war zone. One child insists on aggressive treatment, another advocates for comfort care, and a third is frantically searching for your bank statements to see what you can afford and for how long. It’s a nightmare scenario that might drive you to think about the differences between Cain and Abel.
The pain of imagining your children fighting over your care is real. It stirs up our deepest fears about family harmony and our own vulnerability. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to sit back and wait for chaos to unfold. There are concrete steps you can take right now to prevent this family feud from ever airing.
The Power of Proper Planning
While you may be certain that your family will have conflicts, proactive planning can help mitigate these issues. Here are some crucial steps to consider:
1. Create a Power of Attorney (POA): This legal document allows you to designate someone to make financial and legal decisions on your behalf if you are unable to do so.
2. Establish an Advanced Healthcare Directive: This outlines your wishes for medical care and end-of-life decisions, reducing the potential for disagreements about your care.
3. Choose Your Representatives Wisely: The individuals you select for these roles should be people you deeply trust to have your best interests at heart. They should also be capable of handling any family drama that may arise and not buckle under pressure.
Selecting the Right People
When choosing your POA and healthcare agent, consider these factors:
- Trust: Select someone who will respect and carry out your wishes, even if they disagree personally.
- Ability to Handle Conflict: Your chosen representative should be able to stand firm in the face of family disagreements.
- Communication Skills: They should be able to clearly explain your wishes to other family members and medical professionals.
- Availability: Choose someone who can realistically take on this responsibility when needed.
Remember, your POA and healthcare proxy don’t have to be the same person. In fact, sometimes it’s better to divide these responsibilities between two trusted individuals.
Open Communication is Key
While legal documents are crucial, open communication with your fa