It’s one of the most difficult truths we deal with in this work: We sit with clients—sometimes very elderly, sometimes very ill—who tell us they are at peace. They’ve fought hard. They’ve made their decisions. And when the time comes, they’re ready to let go.
But here’s the heartbreaking part: They fear their loved ones won’t let them.
Whether it’s the hope of one more day, the fear of grief, or guilt at saying goodbye—families sometimes override the very wishes their loved one worked so hard to make known. That’s why creating a clear, legally sound plan matters so much.
When creating an advance directive in San Diego, here’s how we help ensure that your voice stays in the room, even if you can’t speak for yourself.
Put Your Wishes in Writing
Verbal conversations are important, but they’re not enough. You need an advance directive (which we used to call a “healthcare power of attorney” and before that a “living will”) that clearly outlines the medical treatments you do or do not want, states when life-sustaining measures should be withheld, and addresses specific situations like secondary infections, terminal illness, palliative and hospice care, pain suppression, coma, as well as when, if ever, to refrain from providing food and water.
These documents speak when you can’t, and they remove the burden of decision-making from your loved ones during the hardest moments. Without proper documentation, healthcare providers often defer to family members who may act on emotion rather than your stated wishes and without clear directions may suffer remorse later.
Name the Right Healthcare Decision-Maker
If someone needs to step in and make medical choices on your behalf, make sure it’s someone who understands and respects your wishes, has the strength to uphold them—even under pressure, and will advocate for your plan, not override it.
This is done with an Advance Directive acting as a Healthcare Power of Attorney. As your San Diego estate attorney, I can help you draft this with careful language to ensure clarity and confidence. The person you choose should be someone who can separate their own feelings from your expressed wishes, even in emotionally difficult situations.
Leave No Room for Doubt
Sometimes the fear is not legal, it’s emotional. You may worry that your family will be so overcome with grief that they’ll cling to hope, insisting on treatments you’ve already declined.
That’s why we work closely with clients to use clear, unambiguous language. For some clients, especially those with strong religious beliefs, this means including personal letters or video messages to loved ones to help them understand, accept your decisions, and be at peace when medical decisions need to be made. I also encourage clients to walk their family members through their decisions and reasoning before a crisis hits.
One client said it best: “A healthcare power of attorney is an act of love to protects a family from struggling or fighting with each other when hard medical decisions have to be made.“
Let’s Talk About What You Want
You deserve to be heard, even when you can’t speak for yourself. Whether your wishes are simple or complex, widely accepted or deeply personal, we’re here to protect them with compassion and clarity.
Working with our team to create an advance directive in San Diego means creating more than just a document—it’s establishing a framework that respects your autonomy and gives your family the guidance they need during difficult times. Let’s put a plan in place that makes your voice impossible to ignore. Simply contact us at 619-281-1888 to schedule a consultation.